My Thoughts During Chemo #2
Strong. Brave. Determined. Those are some of the words others have used to describe me in the past month or so. I don’t see myself that way. Of course, I am with myself 24 hours a day and see some moods that I am not quite ready to share. And to be honest, those moods are just me sobbing and bawling and pretty much having a pathetic pity party. But, I digress. I can fully recollect the events that helped to form my attitude.
Earlier this fall, I had a friend who was told he had a very limited amount of time to live. Well, he decided to take this news lying down and turned into a total wuss. This was a man who served in Kosovo and Iraq. He has faced death on many occasions and faced it defiantly. So, for him to have this defeatist attitude was new and shocking to me. Initially, I was the only one he told of his condition so I couldn’t commiserate with mutual friends and family members. This friend of mine decided to drink and give up. He didn’t spend time with his children and he let his civilian job go. He curled up and waited to die. He decided to treat me like crap. I got fed up and told him I would help him with he will, estate and other practical matters. But even though he was waiting to die, he didn’t want to face those issues. After a couple of weeks of intense emotional
(Drugs are already in – may finish later.)
fights with him (yes, physical fights) I walked away. I couldn’t understand how he couldn’t fight. I mean, hell he was a US soldier! Fight! I didn’t completely walk away. I prayed and fasted for his imminent salvation. A couple of weeks later, he did accept Jesus as his savior. I couldn’t ask for more than that. Once he accepted Christ, his attitude changed. He was more concerned with helping others. He chose to help homeless veterans. It was great to see him with such a serving heart.
Over Christmas, he had a heart attack. He is still with us but not for long.
I truly learned from my friend. Call it vanity or whatever, I didn’t want to go out like a wuss. I am a Type A personality and I’m dying that way too! I also made the decision to post and tweet my adventures in kicking breast cancer’s ass. Getting information after the fact is not the same as getting it in real time. I have already encouraged other women to get their mammograms and I suppose this is my way of serving.
on January 7th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
You go girl! Keep going – kick and scream you’re way through this experience if you have to. You will get through this and come out stronger, healthier, and more determined than ever. Let me know if I can ever help you along this journey! ROCK ON
on January 7th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
I’m happy that your friend found Christ and changed his mindset. I can’t
imagine walking in either of your shoes. It’s GREAT to know that his heart’s been changed and that you have the strength to live your life FULLY, despite your illness.
The BOTH of you are the real heroes!
**tips my hat**
on January 7th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
You are truly amazing. Keep the fighting attitude!
Those down times are normal and expected. They allow you to be stronger the rest of the time. We all need to purge the bad, and we all have our own ways to do that.
You are always in my thoughts. I can not imagine the side effects you are going through, because I know my cancer is one of easier to deal with. But I am sure that you will come through this a better and stronger person… and that is an amazing thing for someone who is already a great person.
on January 7th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
my great-grandmother told me once you give up the will to live and push people away who are only wanting to help..that’s when you’ve already died. but i’m glad to see your prayers worked for your friend.
having the moods that you’re going through are completely natural..a crying purge is good!
on January 8th, 2009 at 1:06 am
Hey lady, thanks for posting I feel like I am right there with you learning about your every day experiences. Thank you for educating me on getting my yearly mammogram.
Love ya
Shaune
empwrd4aprpse twitter sis
on January 8th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Shaune, I am so glad you didn’t wait and that you had good news! My putting my story “out there” is worth it just for that!
on January 8th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Y, that’s what it seemed like – he was the walking dead. I hope I never get to that point! I think where his crying purges were constant and my are ocassional, that is the difference.
I’m just glad to see him serving others and not living so selfishly.
on January 8th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
J3nn, I think any cancer is difficult to deal with. Don’t discount what you are going through.
Thank you always for lending an ear and being encouraging!
I’m 4 hours from Montreal and you are not too much further away! We are going to have to plan a road trip and maybe meet in Montreal?
on January 8th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Savvy, I couldn’t imagine it either until I’m sitting here doing IT. We all have strength for our situations. Maybe you have been through an ordeal and now looking back on it, you showed courage and determination?
As far as walking in my shoes – get a mammogram now! Don’t have insurance? Contact me and I can give you info! But please, get a baseline mammogram!
on January 8th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Stales, I am amazed at your constant energy! I see you on the other side of the water and I’m slowly getting there with you! Thanks again for everything!